


there and back again

by sunflowergwil



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Completely ignores the concept of s15e20, Denial of Feelings, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowergwil/pseuds/sunflowergwil
Summary: When Jack returns everyone to Earth, Castiel is returned too. He makes his way back to the Winchesters - where else would he go?Meanwhile, Dean hadn't been dealing very well with Cas' death, but he isn't dealing too well with his reappearance, either.Sam's just enjoying the world being at peace for once.(An alternate ending for Supernatural in which Cas lives, Adam comes back, Sam and Dean stop hunting, and there is gay kissing)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 29
Kudos: 114





	1. The Quiet After the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> This story diverges from canon after 15x19: Chuck got taken care of, Jack returned everyone to life, and Sam and Dean returned to the bunker with Miracle. I'm willfully choosing to ignore canon after that point because it's dumb canon.
> 
> This story will deal with themes of internalized homophobia in later chapters, mostly in terms of of shame, denial, and fear of being rejected by loved ones. It's mainly expressed in the context of seeing another character's sexuality be accepted, but please ensure you're in a good headspace for it before proceeding.

Dean is sitting on his bed, holding a beer in one hand and petting Miracle with the other, when he hears a knock at the bunker door. Miracle’s ears perk up and he trots out of the room towards the noise, as Dean cautiously places his beer down, grabs his gun, and follows. As he rounds the corner, he catches sight of Sam, gun in his hands, equally hesitantly heading towards the door.

Sam’s head turns just enough for him to briefly lock eyes with Dean, before turning back to watch their destination with careful eyes. Miracle goes straight to the door and paws at it, blissfully ignorant of the brothers’ concern.

“You don’t suppose we could have just one day without something happening, do you?” Dean says, as they approach the door. “Who the hell do you think it is? Jack?”

“If it was Jack,” Sam starts, speaking low and quiet, “I don’t see why he wouldn’t just appear inside. Besides, isn’t he ‘already here’, or whatever the hell he said yesterday?”

Dean shrugs. “Beats me,” he says, gently shooing Miracle away from the door with his foot. Miracle backs up a few feet and then returns to stand right behind them, tail wagging, as they unlock and open the door.

Frozen, Sam and Dean stare as Cas cheerfully smiles at them from the other side of the doorway.

Cas opens his mouth to greet them but is interrupted by Miracle bowling into his legs for attention. He looks down, blinking in surprise, and then bends over to pet Miracle, a warm smile back on his face. “I wasn’t expecting a dog,” he says, as he rubs Miracle behind the ear.

There is a pause as Sam and Dean recover from their surprise and collect themselves.

“We weren’t expecting _you_ ,” Sam says, with surprise and warmth in his voice. He gestures Castiel inside, a fond smile on his face, and relocks the door. “Should’ve known better, though. Winchesters never stay gone, after all.”

Castiel’s eyes widen as he whips his head around to lock eyes with Sam.

Sam exhales out a laugh and reaches his arm out to pat Castiel on the shoulder. “Come on, man. Like you don’t already know you’re family.” There is a lingering moment between them, before Sam looks away and exhales another laugh, his hand dropping. “Come on, Dean said he was going to cook tonight – right, Dean?”

At his name, Dean startles to attention from where he’s being staring at Cas, eyes expressing some unreadable emotion. He flicks his eyes between Cas and Sam. Castiel turns to look at him, and Dean looks away abruptly. “Uh, yeah, right. I – I’ll go get that started,” he says and turns away to head to the galley. Sam and Cas are left staring at Dean's back as he quickly departs, Miracle trotting after him.

Cas takes a slow breath and lets it out as a quiet sigh, his shoulders slumping slightly. Sam looks at him in question, but Cas just shakes his head at him with a rueful smile. “So,” Cas says, changing the topic, “when did you get a dog?”


	2. Tableaus of Peaceful Days

With the world finally in a moment of peace – no demons or angels or gods or god siblings vying to destroy the Earth – Sam and Dean are finally afforded some time to rest. After the unrelenting and ever-increasing exhaustion of the past few years, they are eager to take advantage of it. They spend their days sleeping, reading in the library (for fun, not because they urgently need to find a solution for something), and drinking beer and watching movies and _relaxing_ for once.

After most of a lifetime of eating whatever crap they can find while on a hunt, they’re both enjoying having the resources (and time and energy) to make and eat some actual food. Dean turns his nose up and whines and complains whenever Sam comes home with the ingredients for something he deems ‘rabbit food’, but it makes him happy to see Sam enjoying himself in the kitchen. He keeps up his complaints anyway; he’s missed getting to have this kind of back-and-forth with Sam without the looming threat of one of them going to hell, or being traumatized by hell, or having an addiction to demon blood or being possessed by an angel who’s actually another angel, or being cursed or a demon or soulless –

Sam and Dean have been through a lot. It feels good to complain about ‘hipster’ salad, as if some kale is the biggest enemy they’ve ever faced.

As the days go on, Dean feels a bone-deep feeling of relief start to set in, a lifetime of stress and responsibility and constant vigilance beginning to seep out of his body. He and Sam are alive and safe, and for once it seems like it’s going to stay that way. Jack is taking care of things in the world, and they have an actual place they can call home.

And Cas is there.

* * *

After the world doesn’t end, Castiel chooses to spend most of his time at the bunker.

He knows he could be doing more to help Jack, but he can’t quite bring himself to care. Castiel is tired of feeling like the entire fate of Heaven rests on his shoulders, just because he can’t trust any of his brothers and sisters to behave themselves. He’s tired of being manipulated, and taken advantage of, and screwing things up horribly and being blamed, and killing his beloved siblings for the sake of the world. He’s tired of fighting with Sam and Dean about the right way to save the day, just for them all to be wrong anyway. Castiel wants to relax for once, and spend time doing the very thing that first made him rebel – hanging out with Sam and Dean.

Castiel feels secure in the knowledge that Jack is taking care of Heaven, and Jack’s reassured him that he doesn’t mind him staying on Earth.

Castiel reads human books in the library, and watches movies with Sam and Dean, and walks Miracle, and goes to a store filled with food once a week. He watches the Winchesters every other day when they go outside to run in circles, wave their limbs around, and push at the ground. This is apparently ‘exercise’, and Castiel tries to emulate the limb-waving, but every time he attempts this, Sam and Dean start laughing too hard to continue, and he’s left with nothing to emulate. He’s not sure if he’s doing it wrong or whether the laughter is part of the exercise. The abdominal muscles and diaphragm are important muscles for human movement, after all. 

He still takes off occasionally to assist Jack with restructuring Heaven, but he never stays gone for long. He sees the way Dean’s jaw clenches and his smile disappears every time Cas leaves, like he’s convinced that Cas isn’t going to come back. It makes Cas’ chest hurt.

He’s not sure how long it will take to convince Dean that his best friend isn’t going anywhere, but he’ll just keep coming back, and coming back, and coming back, until Dean trusts that he’s really going to.


	3. Windows to the Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter moves around a bit chronologically, so I hope it isn't too confusing! The "present", so to speak, is at a few weeks after Chapter 1, but both Dean and Sam flash back to things that have happened between Chapter 1 and the present.

Sometimes, when Castiel returns from helping Jack, he catches this fleeting moment of warm relief breaking dawn over Dean’s face before Dean schools himself and grunts hello.

As much as it pleases Castiel, it unsettles him. He knows they’re pretending he never confessed to Dean, that he’s not in love with Dean, but he finds it difficult to play his part when Dean is so happy to see him.

* * *

In the first few days after Cas showed up, Dean couldn’t figure out how to act around him.

After Cas was taken to the Empty, Dean had shut down any emotions he might’ve felt about Castiel’s confession. It wasn’t like he could give Cas an answer, so what did it matter? He had more important things to worry about. However, seeing Cas’ face again so soon – when he’d been worried he never would, that this time Cas’ death would stick – had unsettled something inside him that he couldn’t quite seem to shove back into place.

Dean kept tracking Cas down so he can linger in the same room, feeling out of sorts when he couldn’t make sure Cas was okay. He found himself starting conversations with Castiel at every chance, only to end up stumbling over his words once Cas turned to look at him. Sometimes, by habit, he’d reach out to pat Cas on the back, before realizing what he was doing and awkwardly lowering his hand. He’s still not sure why the idea of touching Castiel seems so wrong, now.

Dean knew it was getting obvious but couldn’t seem to stop. He felt flustered when Cas was looking at him but despondent when he wasn’t. He’d look at Cas, and _want_ , but didn’t know what he wanted. The feeling in his chest was the same one that had always been there but somehow entirely different. It confused him.

After a week, he started getting raised eyebrows from Sam, and that was enough for Dean. That wasn’t the way a Winchester acts, all confused and hesitant and thinking too hard about weak feelings. A Winchester claps his best friend on the back with a firm hand and never entertains the idea of kissing him.

So that’s what Dean did.

He forced himself to quit following Cas around and starting inane conversations, forced himself to shove down the flutter of anxious excitement he felt when Cas looked at him, forced himself to pat Cas on the back perhaps a little too forcefully, and forced himself to ignore the way Cas’ warmth lingered on his hand afterwards.

It’s not like Cas ever brought up the confession again, anyway. If he’d meant he loved Dean romantically, wouldn’t he want an answer? It was more likely that he was talking about a platonic sort of love, Dean reasoned. After all, people don’t fall in love with Dean. He’s not made for it.

* * *

Sam didn’t know about the confession, initially.

After Cas was taken to the Empty, Dean clammed up tight and wouldn’t explain to Sam what had happened. Sam eventually figured out that Cas had made some sort of deal for Jack, and that he’d called in that deal at an opportune moment to take Billie with him, but even getting that much detail had ended with Dean lashing out at him and storming off. Wisely, Sam chose not to ask any further questions. He figured it was difficult to watch his friend die – again – and didn’t think any further about it.

However, a few weeks into co-habiting at the bunker, Cas and Sam are reading in the library at the same table when Cas abruptly closes his book and puts it down.

Sam pauses reading but doesn’t move or look up.

Cas takes a deep breath, loudly, staring down at his lap. “Sam,” he says simply.

“Yeah, Cas?” Sam says, still looking at his book.

“When I – went to the Empty,” Cas begins, haltingly, “I – first, I – I told Dean I love him.” His hands clench into fists on his thighs.

Sam is quiet.

“Not – in a brotherly way, Sam, I – “ Cas struggles for words. He breathes out slowly and looks away from the table, away from Sam, off to the corner of the library. “I know I’m not a Winchester in name,” he says quietly. “But I would gladly be, if Dean wanted to give his name to me.”

Sam tries to hide the way his eyes have widened in surprise, but there’s no point – Castiel is too busy staring into the distance to notice. Sam’s fingers worry at the corner of his page as he thinks. “Did he… respond? When you told him?” Sam asks hesitantly, trying to keep his tone casual.

There is a pause, long enough that Sam finally looks up at Cas.

“He didn’t need to,” Cas says softly. He shakes his head and picks up his book again. “He didn’t need to.”

Silence descends on the library once more, as both occupants pretend to read.

* * *

When Cas first showed up and Dean kept staring at him, Sam had figured that Dean was having trouble believing he was really back. They’d been through a lot in a short period of time, after all, and Sam himself had been having trouble believing it was all really over.

Dean’s weird behaviour had eased off after a week or so, and he’d been acting pretty normally over the following weeks, so Sam had figured his hypothesis was correct.

Now, though, Sam understands.

He knows what their father’s attitudes were growing up; he knows how the kids at school used to talk. Sam went to a university with a GSA and learned a whole new attitude, but Dean never did.

Sam wonders if Dean is uncomfortable with Cas being attracted to men entirely, or just with him being attracted to Dean. He wonders if Dean never listened to their father at all and just doesn’t know how to act around a friend that loves him.

For Cas’ sake, he hopes it was just the shock. For his _own_ sake, he hopes it was just the shock. He really doesn’t want to have to talk to his own older brother about homophobia.

Sam, curious, begins watching Dean’s interactions with Cas a little more carefully after that. He’s not sure what he’s looking for, exactly, but he thinks he’ll know it when he sees it.

He’s reassured, at least, to see that Dean isn’t doing anything that would make Cas feel bad; he knows how Dean feels about his masculinity, knows how he wraps it around himself like a security blanket and snaps at things that intrude on it. Sam was worried, he realizes, that Dean was going to start treating Cas the way he does the vegan aisle at the grocery store – with vocal disapproval and avoidance.

He doesn’t particularly want to think about his brother’s love life, nor does he want to pry into Cas’ personal affairs, so he brushes it off. Whatever it is that his subconscious is so fixated on looking for, it’s not any of his business. He gives the two of them their privacy.

* * *

Sometimes, when Cas is alone with Dean, he catches a look on Dean’s face, as if he wants to ask Castiel something.

He never does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited 11/22: I originally had Sam calling Dean “the straightest hunter on the planet” because I was struggling to convey Sam’s thoughts about Dean’s rigid masculinity. Sam knows that Dean’s masculinity is very important to his self-worth, and that (like many men) Dean is obsessed with performative straightness as a core component of that masculinity. Thus, Sam’s thought process was that Dean may feel that Cas’ romantic interest was threatening his masculinity and, by extension, his entire self-image. So, less “straight” and more “obsessed with looking straight”. 
> 
> I’m glad some comments prompted me to go back and edit this section for clarity, because I’m much happier with it than I was before.


End file.
